let the sun shine

Some people are just so bright and joyful that their happiness is infectious. It's just in their nature. It seems impossible that a person could be so positive all the time, but some people manage to pull it off. I often find that I either envy or am annoyed by people like this. But I've realized that there is nothing wrong with being a truly iridescent individual.

Teenagers in today's world are expected to have angst and sulk the days away. We are predicted to be sullen and moody, and make huge deals out of nothing. We are looked down upon for those qualities. But I'm realizing that most people don't age out of the angst and despair. A lot of adults harbor those same characteristics. So why aren't we being taught how to manage our emotions now and flip our perspective on the world so that life will be more bearable- enjoyable even?

I've just decided that since I am the only person who can determine how I feel, I shouldn't waste my time being mad at myself or worrying about stupid high school drama or feeling socially awkward or missing people who have drifted away.

Certainly, every emotion is valid, and every thought deserves to be honored, but negativity is often amplified to a level that is probably unhealthy. I know that I think myself in circles and get caught up in the complications of insignificant situations. I realize that I let myself get wrapped up in crazy ideas that end up hurting me when expectations and reality don't meet. I understand that a lot of my thoughts and moods are the result of teen angst, but I also believe that's not the only factor. And I know I'm not the only person who sees it that way.

"Pain and suffering are all too often side effects of an intelligent mind and a sensitive soul." Someone very wise said that once. I think that those who are most perceptive or see the most pain in the world around them are often brought down by the sadness. They live in fear and sorrow, whether they realize it or not. I think sometimes we feel as if we don't deserve to think positively. Optimism is viewed as unrealistic or silly, because if things don't work out as hoped, feelings get hurt.

The reality is that people will leave. Promises will be broken. Things will fall to pieces. It's just a fact. And as sad as that is, we can't let the sorrows of the world crush our spirits. I'm just so tired of being down all the time. It breaks my heart to see people I care about hurting. It makes me sad to watch the news or to hear about the pain of other people's lives. And I don't believe that empathy is wrong. It is important to feel the bad things and be there to support those who need you. However, we cannot let the negatives pile up and make it impossible for me to see how beautiful everything else is.

Our society has a way of shaming people for anything. Whether it is for being too sad or too enthusiastic- it is as if feeling has become a sin. But the way I see it, life consists entirely of feeling and the lessons that come with it.

That said, I'm trying to make a point of not letting my thoughts turn sour, because negativity never helped anyone. Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. Even when things get messy -especially when things get messy-, I want to be the warm yellow light that washes over the people I love.

Stop resisting the positive just because you feel you don't deserve it. Cheer up, cause in the grand scheme of things, none of these little things really matter. Grades are fairly inconsequential. Some relationships are worth letting go. You have to respect yourself enough to let go of the things that no longer help you grow or make you happy. Everyone deserves a chance to be happy, to view their world positively, to be infectiously joyful. We just have to figure out how to manage our outlook.

When it comes down to it, life is hard. Inevitably, bad crap happens. But life goes on, and we can't let the bad stuff pile up. Because while life can be incredibly painful, it is also unbelievably beautiful. If all it takes is a few deep breaths and a glistening sunrise to help you out of a funk, be sure to utilize those. The world is a gigantic, gorgeous place, and light can be found in every corner, even within ourselves. We just have to find it.

Be iridescent.

if you were falling

Sometimes people surprise you.

You wind up talking to someone you would never have spoken to before, and over the course of one conversation you have made a new friend. This week, I've been lucky enough to experience many great conversations with people I already love, as well as a few unexpected friends who popped up right when I needed them.

It's nice to be reminded of how wonderful people can be. And how everyone has layers, even those who seem vapid or unkind. We tend to compare our inner selves to what we perceive of other people's outside personas. Which is tragic because that comparison often leads to self-deprecation.

The reality is, every person has a mess inside their heads, just like you and me. I know that's terribly cheesy, but it is the truth. We go through our day not really considering other people's inner monologues. The issue is, perception becomes reality. And more often than not, perception is flawed. And that's not a bad thing, it just makes for a skewed vision of the world.

We thrive on human interaction, whether we care to admit it or not. And when our reactions are closer and more detailed, it becomes easier to understand others. More importantly, it becomes easier to understand yourself. Because sometimes all it takes to sort out a problem is someone to listen.
And if you're lucky, someone will reach out when you need it most.


I'm not religious, but I believe in guardian angels. In some capacity anyway. I think that everyone touches your life for a reason, and it's important to acknowledge the influence that people have on you.

Every family member, every friend, every teacher has something to offer you. Whether that is through blatant advice, or being involved a more difficult situation that leads to life lessons, there are things to be learned from everyone.

I'm lucky to have people in my life who ground me and inspire me at the same time. I'm lucky to have an amazing support system full of witty, kind individuals who understand me. I know that I have a spectacular group of people surrounding me whom I love more dearly than words can express. And I'm fortunate enough to have that group growing each day.

It may not always feel like it, but they are there. There to make sure I'm running to something and not away from anything. There for me to vent my angst to. There to give me reality checks and still encouraging me to chase my fanciful dreams.

Inevitably, we all face challenges and tragedies and confusion and anxiety. It's just a fact of living. But having those people there makes it a lot easier to keep going through whatever darkness we've met this time.

It is better to stumble than to fall down completely. And friends are meant to keep us afloat.

I know this isn't the case for everyone, but I do believe that everyone has some form of support system, whether they realize it or not. There is always someone who cares. There is always someone who will listen. It's just a matter of realizing who those people are.

a transmission on the midnight radio

It's been almost a year and a half since I was introduced to the musical that changed my life. A wonderful dance teacher played her favorite song from it and I fell in love. Hedwig and the Angry Inch was not well known yet, so as I watched the movie and listened to the rest of the soundtrack, I had no idea what to expect.

 But in the time since I started listening to Hedwig, I feel like I've grown up so much and found ways of coping with life that I would never have developed had it not been for this beautiful piece of art.


Hedwig and the Angry Inch is performed like a concert, the story told by Hedwig herself through monologue form, interspersed with music. It tells the story of a "slip of a girly boy" from Communist East Berlin who has loved punk rock and philosophy since she was young. Born a boy (named Hansel), Hedwig falls in love with an American G.I. and undergoes a sex change operation in order to marry him and flee to the West. She takes her mother's name and passport. Unfortunately, nothing works out as it was supposed to: the operation was botched, leaving Hedwig neither man nor woman, and her husband leaves on their first anniversary.

Soon after, the Berlin Wall falls, proving Hedwig's sacrifice for freedom to be pointless. Hedwig, who has been searching all of her life for her "other half," falls in love with a young boy named Tommy Speck. Under her guidance, Tommy blossoms into a confident, talented young musician. They write music together, and Hedwig renames him Tommy Gnosis (the Greek word for knowledge) in tribute to his religious background.

Hedwig believes Tommy is her prophesied other half- the one her soul was separated from according to Aristophanes' speech about the origin of love in Plato's Symposium. But as Tommy's fame skyrockets, he leaves Hedwig and takes the music she had written, calling it his own. Bitter and lonely, Hedwig starts her own band and travels around the country, following Tommy's tour. She tells her story and eventually (after a seriously theatrical mental breakdown) realizes that perhaps she doesn't need to find her other half at all: "there's no mystical design, no cosmic lover preassigned," and begins to understand that her other half has been a part of herself all along.

In the final song of the show, Hedwig has found peace with herself and urges her audience to do the same, singing that we are all "transmissions on the midnight radio," like the songs she listened to as a young child in Berlin. She sings to "the misfits and the losers" reminding us all that we need nothing but ourselves.


Needless to say, this musical is a combination of inappropriate humor, brilliant music, an incredible character arc, and enough inspiration to last a lifetime.

Yes, it's risque and raunchy, but there is so much more to it than a punk rocker jumping around in women's clothes, singing about her botched sex change operation- it's a love story. One less about chemical romance and more focused on the realization that simply existing as one's own individual is the best reality. We can be complete without anyone else or their approval.

Hedwig is about throwing caution to the wind and accepting change as it comes, realizing that "Who I Am" is not a fixed point: we are all evolving people, constantly bent and nourished by the world around us. Hedwig taught me versatility, flexibility, and the brutal honesty needed to successfully grow into the people we are meant to be. She challenged this belief our society seems to hold, the idea that we have to know exactly who we are.

There is so much pressure to know "who you are" and where you are going. Life can seem like a constant struggle to find the balance between staying true to your identity and allowing yourself to be shifted by your environment, circumstances, and the people around you. The thing most people don't realize is that it's okay not to know who you are yet, as long as you are able to claim independence from the things you don't believe in.

There is a song called Wig in a Box, which basically says that all you have to do in times of stress is turn up the music, pull yourself together, and carry on. Because in the end, holding on to pain only makes everything else uglier.

Lately, I've been needing a lot of Hedwig, and I am so thankful to have the inspiration that she provides. School is stressful, friendships are difficult, and maintaining a positive outlook might be the biggest struggle of all. But whenever I feel down, the lessons from this show find their way back to me somehow.

Listening to that final song, Midnight Radio, reminds me that no one can determine who I am or how I feel. And more importantly, it reminds me that everyone feels like a misfit or a loser sometimes, and that's okay. I think we're all a little confused or broken inside, but that's beautiful because love helps mend the broken pieces. Sometimes we just don't realize that the love we need to mend ourselves has been within us all along.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rxqGzVHcfmk