what does "from little awful things" mean?

Someone asked me the other day why I chose "from little awful things" as the title of this blog. I told them that it's just a special phrase to me, but that is putting it in the simplest of forms. The reason that I chose those particular words to represent my blog is layered and somewhat difficult to explain.

In the most basic sense, I chose it because it has a certain ring to it. It leaves a lot to the reader's interpretation, which I think increases the sentimental value of my posts and (hopefully) makes people more inclined to see what this is all about. Leaving it so open-ended allows people to put their personal stories into mine, and apply themselves to each situation I write about, and I think that's pretty cool.

The whole reason that i came up with this phrase in the first place is because my grandmother once said it when speaking about my mother's food arranging abilities. I overheard their conversation from the kitchen one day, and that sentence just stuck with me.

They were talking about some sort of caprese salad, I think. My mother had arranged it to look presentable for dinner guests, and my grandmother said, "It looks so pretty. Your dishes always look so pretty. You have the ability to make the most beautiful arrangements from little awful things."

And so it was born. In a literal sense, the basil and tomatoes and mozzarella cheese that went into that salad were NOT awful, and they did not look bad in the first place. But I like to think that the phrase has a deeper meaning.

I believe it means that gorgeous, wonderful stuff can come from even the most hopeless of situations. There's a certain comfort in thinking that there is hope even in the darkest of times, and I wanted to share that hope with all of you.

Keeping that phrase, "from little awful things," in the back of my mind has helped me remember that there is always a way out. There is always something good that can come out of the rubble. And I hope that my words can help others, even in the slightest of ways.

If I can make one person, just one person, smile or reassess their outlook on life, I will consider this blog an accomplishment. I'm not looking to change lives. I'm just looking to make you think.

take these broken wings

Everyone knows that hard work gets you places in life. However, "hard work" is an ill-defined term for some of us. We dream up goals and expect a little sweat to turn into what we've been hoping for. We don't realize what hard work truly is.

You see, what no one talks about are the twists and turns and ups and downs that will make your path scary. Rarely do people discuss the uncertainty of abandoning a safe path to go down the road that could possibly lead to your dreams. No one mentions that you will almost certainly want to give up at some point, if even for just a split-second.

But hard work is the blood, sweat, and tears that eliminate giving up from your list of options. It is the overwhelming passion that you harbor for your dreams. It is the complete and utter devotion to your cause, no matter how tough things get.

Hard work is learning from your mistakes and bouncing back with ten times the determination you started with. Hard work is pushing past your weaknesses, all in the name of your heart's desire. Of course, rebounding from a down can take any amount of time: an hour, a week, maybe more. But what's important is that you don't lose all hope for your cause, whatever that may be.

All too many people go through life with regrets about all the things they gave up on or never got around to doing. The people who dare to challenge themselves and follow their passions not only reach their dreams, but they don't have to wonder about how life could have been, because they are living it.

So don't be afraid to make mistakes, and don't be scared of what could happen, because if you work hard and push yourself to come back from the tough times, you will be rewarded with your dreams. You can reach your goals if you just  realize that the path is never straight or clear, and that you will have to take chances and things will be uncertain. And it will be scary, but in the end, isn't a little adrenaline worth it?

to days of inspiration

It's one thing to rattle off a few overused cliches and call it a day, but it's another to actually find motivation in small bits all around you.

What I've discovered over the past week or so is that you cannot expect inspiration to just come looking for you and POOF there it is, like an obedient dog with the morning paper. No, you have to work to find inspiration, just as with anything else.

In order to reach your goals and follow your dreams, you must be able to draw from the world around you to find motivation to keep hiking on towards your destination.You have to learn how to see the light in a baby's eyes, and the persistence of those first few flowers that pop up when spring rolls around. You must teach yourself to love the world around you, because it supports you. Not only providing you with oxygen and nutrition from nature, but also with friends and family and teachers, at least one of whom will want you to succeed.

People believe in each other. We have great faith in the potential of other human beings, because their potential reflects ours. We want our friends and family to succeed because we want them to be happy, to be everything that they want to be, and more. There is nothing more satisfying.

So USE that support to your advantage. Allow your friends to ask you how you're doing. Let your parents boast about your achievements, and let them worry a little bit about you. And do the same for them. We are here to support each other, not to partake in some sick competition to see who can "go farther" in life.


I ask you today to pause and take a moment to reflect on the inspiration in your life. Though it may not always feel like it, it's there. It may be in the form of a loved one by your side, or a letter from a mentor, or even something as small as a bumper sticker. But as sure as the sun will rise tomorrow, it is there somewhere.

I beg you not to let go of your dreams, because there are ways to get past the bad days. And there will always be bad days, even after you have reached your goals. The best part is that there will always be goals, always be something higher that we have yet to reach.

You see, life is a growing experience. You are entitled to a few embarrassing moments, and one or two secrets that you may never share. You are able- no, encouraged- to dream and to be the best you can possibly be. But more importantly you are human. You are allowed to make mistakes along the way.

And that's the beauty of living.

i will follow you into the dark

Dear Friend,

I've known you for a while now. You are part of my family, and part of me. I think of you every day, and remember how lucky I am to have a friend like you. You, with your sarcasm and bizarre sense of humor. Your laugh, and the way your eyes light up when you get excited. That intense look you get when you're thinking really hard, trying to figure out a math problem. Your "hello"s, which, even if you saw me yesterday, still arrive cheerful and genuine.

You are everything to me. Without you I could not stay sane, truly. You keep me grounded, but you also help me escape when the stress starts in. You help me every day, reminding me of important things and giving me advice. You sing with me, and dance with me, and it's wonderful.

With you, I'm allowed to be silly. You are safe, and I trust you with my entire being. Really.

I cannot think of a better way to spend my day than with you. You motivate me to be better, to work harder, to be the best me that I possibly can. And that is more than any girl could ever ask for. The moment when I first realized that you were my friend, the world changed.

Things started looking brighter, because I knew that you were something special. And I was right. You have lived up to every expectation of friendship. You comfort me. You laugh with me. But most importantly you respect me. And I respect you.

You see that's what friendship is, mutual respect. Sincere, genuine appreciation. Fully accepting someone for who they are and all the scars that come along with that. But you haven't flinched away from me. Not once. And for that I thank you.


Love you to the moon, past there, and back again.

how to unfold your love

American society places a lot of emphasis on being well-rounded. We are encouraged to branch out and try new things and become good at everything we can. The idea is to make yourself versatile and and all-around champion. Which, in and of itself, is not such a bad idea.

People SHOULD try to be versatile and flexible and have options, because options allow for choices, and choices allow for opportunity, and opportunity allows for a chance at what you truly want. And that's all anyone can ask for.

But then it turns into everyone being mediocre at a lot of things, instead of finding one passion and mastering that passion to be the best you can possibly be. You MUST be academically proficient in all subject areas, and you must be at the intermediate level of dance, and you must be socially accepted, and you must know what you want to do with your life. All at the same time.

Life becomes a workload, a burden. You wake up every morning dreading school or work and by the time you're ready to go to dance class, you're too tired from the school day and 4 hours of homework. You go to sleep exhausted and wake up 6 hours later, starting the cycle all over again.

Well, I think that's no way to live. Truly. We simply CANNOT be wonderful at everything we do, and settling for mediocrity at a lot of things is an injustice to yourself. Everybody has the potential to create something amazing out of their lives, but that requires focus. No one ever got anywhere trying to do everything at once.

Yes, we should work hard and try to keep our options open, especially in school, but there is a line that we all should draw. There is a difference between putting in effort and putting in more than you can afford to give.

We all have to make sacrifices for our dreams, and for some of us that means that we have to cut back just a little on the academics to make way for our true passion, whatever that may be. Of course, some people's passion IS academics, and that's great too.

So today I am requesting that you take a look at your life and see what you can make out of it. I guarantee that you will find at least one thing to focus on. When you identify that, embrace it. Don't ever stop working your hardest or putting in effort, but just weigh your workload accordingly.

You have the potential to be something incredible, to master one thing that will hopefully enrich your life and make you happier. Don't let yourself get gypped out of a world of wonderful. 

little boxes made of ticky-tacky

It's days like these that I remember why the world of theater and dance is such an amazing place, where people of all ages, talents, sizes, races, preferences, religions, backgrounds, and educations can come together to be a family. Regardless of the past, the future, or sometimes, the present, that family will care for you and respect you no matter what. If only the rest of the world could just get over all their differences and accept each other, love each other, like that... things might work a lot differently.

I went out in the real world today after a summer full of charismatic theatrical folks and dancers who couldn't care less about my age or my grades or who I hang out with. I went into today expecting that everyone would treat each other just like those dancers and singers and actors had treated each other and myself: with complete, genuine respect and love.

But I was sorely disappointed.

Maybe it is just that I had such a spectacular summer that I just have too much to compare today to. Maybe it's just that it was an unusually wonderful summer, complete will an unusually wonderful group of talented, friendly people. Or maybe I have changed so much over this summer that I just never noticed how incredibly off-putting my community can be.

The world I spent today in is full of fake smiles and hidden pain. Buried hostilities and apparent grudges reign over these people. Flawless exteriors mask insecurities the size of Jupiter, and the scent of unfulfilling money clings to most of their clothes and watches and bags. The negativity in the air made me feel like I was suffocating from excessive cologne and caked-on makeup. And I couldn't stand it. 

I forgot over this amazing vacation that the world is NOT all just like the theater. People will not spontaneously burst out in song, and most of them have difficulty just smiling and accepting the fact that you are quirky just like them.

The world is not the theater, but it most certainly IS a stage. The stiff drones roaming around me today reminded me of the strong expectations that the world has for most of us. We are expected to do all of these meaningless, joyless things to make people act like they like us, but all for what? For a chance to spend 30 minutes with them at lunch, talking the whole time but saying nothing? For what?

And that's not to say that every one in that world was like that. Oh, there were plenty who appreciate wisdom and free thought, self expression. People who really respect themselves and appreciate others for who they really are. But they were few and far between where I was today.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that that world, that lifeless, boring, conventional world, is not how I want to live. Even if I am the only one who will break free of the mold and be myself just because I want to, I will do that. And as much as I can, I will encourage others to cherish themselves as well. The world needs more music.

the days before the day we die

and now I present: a few words of wisdom...

"Go placidly amid the noise and the haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender, be on good terms with all persons.

Speak your truth quietly and clearly, and listen to others, even the dull and the ignorant. They too have their story.

Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love- for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of the spirit to shield you from misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right and a reason to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Whatever your labours and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul.

With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world."

- Max Ehrmann

how to beat the ones who outdrew you

We are told from a very young age that we are all equal, that we all are unique and special just the way we are. That much, in my opinion, is true. Regardless of race, class, creed, gender, preference, or physical/ mental ability, we ALL have something amazing that we can offer this world and we all have the potential to reach our highest goals. That, I will always believe.

But it seems to me that sometimes that idea is taken too far. We’re told that we are all winners all the time. In school, they do away with competition because losing hurts kids too much.

The part they forget to mention is that in the REAL world, that’s not the way it is. There is all sorts of injustice and inequality and ignorance and prejudice and competition, as horrible as all of those things are. It's just a fact. And we all have to get hurt at some point. We all have to lose sometimes. That is the way life works.

They forget to mention that.

But I believe that for every time you lose, there will be another two times when you come out on top. And for every time some idiot says some twisted, bigoted, moronic cliche, there will be two more warm-hearted, kind people who think the world of you. There’s always a silver lining, but we have to understand that everyone has to weather a few storms.

In fact, the more storms we weather, the easier the storms get. We learn how to handle loss and rejection and pain and suffering and all those little guilty feelings that can really drag a person down. If they taught us that we have to learn to handle all the bad stuff, that would really be much more beneficial than just making us think that the world is perfect and that we are all perfect and that nothing will ever go wrong.

Mind you, EVERY person has the potential to be whatever they want to be and to love whomever they want to love, and to go wherever they want to go, and NOBODY and NOTHING can hold you back if you want something enough. You just have to remember that just because you dream it doesn't mean it will pop up out of nowhere and get handed to you on a silver platter.

We have to work, and sweat, and bleed, and cry to achieve the things that we dream of. And the beauty of that is that once we get there, we can appreciate it even more.  

We must try to remember that life is not only full of love, joy, passion, excitement, success, beauty, music, and friendship, but also that life should be- must be- full as well with sorrow, tears, grief, guilt, hate, sadness, mediocrity, disappointment, loss, failure, silence, illness, a little bit of loneliness, and a whole lot of pain.

It is all we can do to take these negative things and turn them into something worth remembering.

go hang your heart on any tree

All too many people go through their lives the same way every day, going through the same routines, thinking the same thoughts, feeling the same feelings. Sometimes I feel like (okay, I AM) one of those people. There are times when I get so set in my routines that it's like I don't even have to think to get through my day. Which is fine on occasion, but isn't life supposed to be exciting and different and adventurous and daring?

Maybe it's a matter of allowing spontaneity to creep into your regimen. And I guess that spontaneity is something I'm not super comfortable with. I mean, it's a bit scary, don't you think? Not knowing exactly what's coming. Unsure of whether or not you will be able to follow through on your previous plans. No clue what you are going to have to do next. Yeah! It's uncomfortable.

But... what would life be without a little discomfort? We would have nothing to compare luxury to. We would have no motivation to search for happiness. It would defeat the will to move past discomfort, and that, to me, is a defeat of the human spirit.

I realize that I have to allow myself a little wiggle room. I need to make space for spontaneity in my life, and I have to be willing to let the rigid structure of my daily life become more liquid, more free. I have to be able to release my inhibitions and just roll with the punches.

If I move past my fear of discomfort, I will be able to experience so many more wonderful, exciting things and hopefully I will come to see the world just a little bit more clearly because of it.