little boxes made of ticky-tacky

It's days like these that I remember why the world of theater and dance is such an amazing place, where people of all ages, talents, sizes, races, preferences, religions, backgrounds, and educations can come together to be a family. Regardless of the past, the future, or sometimes, the present, that family will care for you and respect you no matter what. If only the rest of the world could just get over all their differences and accept each other, love each other, like that... things might work a lot differently.

I went out in the real world today after a summer full of charismatic theatrical folks and dancers who couldn't care less about my age or my grades or who I hang out with. I went into today expecting that everyone would treat each other just like those dancers and singers and actors had treated each other and myself: with complete, genuine respect and love.

But I was sorely disappointed.

Maybe it is just that I had such a spectacular summer that I just have too much to compare today to. Maybe it's just that it was an unusually wonderful summer, complete will an unusually wonderful group of talented, friendly people. Or maybe I have changed so much over this summer that I just never noticed how incredibly off-putting my community can be.

The world I spent today in is full of fake smiles and hidden pain. Buried hostilities and apparent grudges reign over these people. Flawless exteriors mask insecurities the size of Jupiter, and the scent of unfulfilling money clings to most of their clothes and watches and bags. The negativity in the air made me feel like I was suffocating from excessive cologne and caked-on makeup. And I couldn't stand it. 

I forgot over this amazing vacation that the world is NOT all just like the theater. People will not spontaneously burst out in song, and most of them have difficulty just smiling and accepting the fact that you are quirky just like them.

The world is not the theater, but it most certainly IS a stage. The stiff drones roaming around me today reminded me of the strong expectations that the world has for most of us. We are expected to do all of these meaningless, joyless things to make people act like they like us, but all for what? For a chance to spend 30 minutes with them at lunch, talking the whole time but saying nothing? For what?

And that's not to say that every one in that world was like that. Oh, there were plenty who appreciate wisdom and free thought, self expression. People who really respect themselves and appreciate others for who they really are. But they were few and far between where I was today.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that that world, that lifeless, boring, conventional world, is not how I want to live. Even if I am the only one who will break free of the mold and be myself just because I want to, I will do that. And as much as I can, I will encourage others to cherish themselves as well. The world needs more music.