newspaper blown to the ground

a list of things I learned today:

1) Even people who seem incredibly dull, painfully emotionless, or wildly apathetic have feelings. It just takes the right topic to get them going. Don't assume that their lives are nothing like yours just because they don't always let their feelings make some noise. You might be surprised at your similarities.

2) Your actions affect others on a level that even they might not understand. People crave human attention. That's just the way it is. We all need a little love, even if it's just a simple hello or smile. Those tiny, seemingly insignificant gestures could really make a difference in someone's day.

3) People hate people who remind them of themselves. If you take a look at your "arch-nemesis's" personality, you might realize that they represent the things you hate about yourself. Insecurity fosters hostility.
 
4) HUGS ARE POWERFUL. A hand on the shoulder of an upset friend. A reassuring pat on the back. It all makes people feel better. It sends warm, cozy messages to their brain and tells them to calm down. They know that they are loved and appreciated and have people who support them and want them to be happy.

5) Our emotions are strongly affected by the emotions of others. If someone near us is happy, we will most likely smile too. If someone we are interacting with is crying, we feel for them and might tear up too. We empathize with each other and relate the pain of others to our own pain.

6)  It is good to share your feelings. Holding all the pain inside leads to anger or depression. You have to have an outlet for all your emotions. Whether that outlet is art, music, therapy, movies, or whatever it is that helps you release some stress, you should use that to keep yourself sane and healthy, and most importantly, HAPPY.

7) Sometimes you just need to let the past go. There are things that you can't hold on to forever. It's unhealthy and doesn't leave room for the positive things that are happening NOW. Be present and active in the moment instead of holding on to pain from your past. Life will be much easier that way.

anyone and anything at all

Happy. It's such a simple word, and we all use it on a daily basis. But what does it really mean? Happy? Some people will tell you that happiness is success. That happiness is achieving and being good at everything you want to be good at.

Others will tell you that happiness is surrounding yourself with things that you want. Things that you deserve and can use to advance yourself to the next level of bliss. One person might say that happiness is in the little moments when you feel at home, like nothing in the world can stop you.

Some people will say that happiness is being with the people you love, or doing the things you love.

I can't tell you what happiness is. No one can. Because happiness is all relative to you. Happiness varies from person to person, and everyone defines it differently. The one thing I can tell you is that you won't always be happy.

And that's not to say that I don't want you to be. Everyone deserves a little joy in their life. But I DO think it's important to have bad days as well. There are times when we feel worthless or exhausted or just plain sad. And that's okay. You are human, and you have this extraordinary gift called emotion. And emotion isn't always a positive thing. But it IS always very real.

What I'm trying to say is that you should embrace the bad moments too. It may seem like the world is falling to pieces around you, but you can learn from those negative experiences. Take from your bad days and learn how to cope. Learn how to get past the tears or the pain or whatever it is that ails you.

But above all, know that you might have to search a bit to find happiness. It doesn't always fall into your lap like the movies make it seem. Every single person in the world has their own little niche where they feel safe and happy. You might have to work to find it, but it's there.

I encourage you to search for happiness. Whether you've found some already, or if you have yet to locate your niche, there is happiness out there for you. It may not seem like it, but there is. Truly. And don't think that if you don't find it right away that you are forever doomed to a life of misery.

Because honestly, happiness is mostly how you choose to perceive your situation. Life is more beautiful when you see it through bright eyes.

our children will play

This weekend I had the opportunity to spend some quality time with a dear old friend of mine. She has been away at college for the past six weeks, and I have missed her more than I might like to admit. I've known her since I was six, but this past year we became especially close. I think of her as the older sister I never had, but also as one of my closest friends.

I don't know what I would have done without her last year. She was there for me every day, both as a shoulder to cry on and as someone to laugh with. Not having her around has been one of the weirdest experiences for me. And I'm not going to lie, but I was kind of nervous that when we saw each other again, things would be different than before she left. I was worried that we might be strange or awkward around each other.

Which is why I was so very excited to be able to spend some time with her this weekend. And you know what? We got right back in the swing of things. It was like she hadn't even left.

We did talk about our lives, though. I learned all about her life and friends at school, and she got caught up to speed on mine. This weekend reminded me why I am so thankful to have her as my friend. She is still that person I can say anything to, without fear of being judged or pitied. She is still like a sister to me, and after six weeks of being miles apart, that makes me believe that our friendship truly is one that will last a lifetime, and I couldn't be more happy about that.

And now you're wondering why I'm telling you this.

Well, I am telling you this because I want you to think about the people in your life. I want you to think about the relationships in your life. I want you to consider who your friends are and what they truly mean to you.

Are your friends in it for the long haul? Or is your relationship so fragile that it could fall to pieces with just a little time apart?

If you do not know what someone means to you, figure it out! Figure out what you need to do to hold on to the people who mean something to you. If you truly care about someone, if that person is someone who you can just be yourself with, someone you would trust with your life, figure out how to make that relationship work.

Because it's really not worth it to lose someone that precious to you over a little bit of distance and time. I wish you the best of luck.

jealous of the moon

 These past few days have been full of emotion for me. Mostly doubt, but also a little fear and a lot of guilt over not being able to motivate myself to just get up and do something I love. I think that I've allowed myself to get a little lazy, which is something that happens to even the best of us at some point.

That's not to say that we should allow ourselves to be lax. We should figure out WHY we are feeling lethargic and apathetic so that we can fix ourselves up and enjoy our passions again.

And that's not necessarily easy. Sometimes I find myself completely unmotivated to work to achieve my dreams, mostly because I am just so incredibly exhausted. But exhaustion is not an excuse for not giving something your all.

While a big part of my problem, I don't think that laziness is the reason why I feel unmotivated sometimes. I think that I might be scared of what will happen if I do try. I'm afraid of failing. I'm afraid of how I might feel if things don't work out as I hope they will.

But that's no way to live my life. You can't do anything if you are too afraid to try. Sure, I talk the talk and play up dreaming and working hard and never giving up, but I am really just another girl who doesn't always follow that. I am being hypocritical. I am being dishonest to you all, and to myself. And I have to change that.

I challenge the sky with my dreams. I really do.

I try to imagine a life for myself full of rainbows and music and happiness. I dream up a life where I achieve everything I put my mind to. Where I never have to worry about anything. Where I am happy and have done everything I ever set out to do.

In reality, I know that place can't exist. But I still have real dreams. Real hopes and real desires. Ideals that I COULD achieve if I really tried. And I mean honestly try, the kind of trying that takes over you and makes accomplishment inevitable.

But I continue to allow myself to be scared. And if this keeps up I will never get anywhere in accomplishing my goals. I want to change myself and the way I work. I know I have to if I am going to do any of the things I want to. Because I won't reach my goals if I don't take steps towards them.

I will stay exactly where I am until I push myself out of this sorry state and start being a little more fearless. Honestly, I'm not entirely sure what I'm afraid of. I know in my head that I might fall a few times. It's just a matter of getting my heart to believe it.

mother nature's sewing machine

"If it's a broken part replace it,

If it's a broken arm then brace it,

If it's a broken heart then face it

And hold your own,

Know your name, &

Go your own way

Everything will be fine

Everything, in no time

and our hearts will go on"

- Details in the Fabric (by Jason Mraz)

 That song is one that has helped me along more than I might like to admit. The words are applicable to anyone and any situation. It is so simple, and yet so haunting and beautiful. The idea is so basic and seemingly obvious, but somehow contains some of the most wise and insightful lyrics I have ever heard.

I find myself humming this when I feel stressed or worried, and it always calms me down. It reminds me that there are ways of fixing things that are broken or lost, and that I should take a deep breath and remember that everything will be fine. It is so hopeful, so supportive, and I want to share that with all of you. 

We all have had times when we feel like we have to hide from the world, make ourselves so small that we become invisible. But you have the right to be here. You have the right to take up space.

Because, whether you realize it or not, you have something about you that no one else in the whole world has, and that is the undeniable ability to be YOU. Whatever your background or history, you are you. It's just a fact. The best you can do for yourself is to let that shine.

You. It's that simple. All the little awful things in life (the details in the fabric, as it were) are just the scenery. There may be things that make you panic or worry, but they are all just a part of the process of defining yourself, and showing the world, and more importantly, yourself, that you will not back down.

You alone know who you are. I know that sounds tacky and cliche, but it's true. No one else can tell you who to love or what dreams to follow or how to live your life. Because they are not you. And you simply cannot let those outside forces make you feel like any less than you are worth.

Moreover, and perhaps most important of all, you can't beat yourself up. You just can't hate yourself. You can't afford to dwell on your dissatisfactions. All that negativity will just stir around inside you and eat at your soul, and make you miserable for no good reason. 

You see, we are all human. We all make mistakes, and we all have flaws. But those mistakes, those flaws? They DEFINE us. They make us ourselves. They determine how we think and how we dress and how we live. And that is wonderful! Embrace your flaws, because without them you would not be you.

You have passions, and desires, and fears, and all of those things allow you to keep moving forward. Sometimes there will be hiccups, and when there are, you just have to take a deep breath and remember that everything will be fine. Prepare yourself for the next obstacle that life will throw at you. You may be surprised at what you can achieve.