trying to be someone that i can be proud of someday

I try not to make New Year's resolutions because I know I will never follow through and hate disappointing myself year after year. Just as a general rule, I think self-improvement shouldn't (doesn't) only happen when a new year kicks in. It's a constant process of editing yourself and adapting to life to become who you are meant to be.

That process involves changing how I think. I know, that sounds so difficult and highly time-consuming, but since I've set small goals for myself and tried to change how I feel about various situations, I've been achieving more.

My point is, if you go into a situation thinking that you are going to fail, you will. You have to believe in yourself before the rest of the world can. This week, I decided to be happier by way of never giving up and doing things the way I want to instead of trying to meet other people's expectations or guidelines.

Already, I feel so different, like I could do anything I wanted to and no one could stop me. It's not that I think other people know less than me or are trying to hold me down, I just realized that by doing things my way, I can get the same things accomplished and HAVE FUN while getting there.

I feel like I am able to laugh at myself more, instead of getting extremely frustrated when I have to try something for a second time. I am learning how to say no to my compulsive need for organization and control. I have a much easier time accepting spontaneity and rule-bending.

A very wise lady once told me that control is not freeing. You cannot have freedom or experience life to the fullest if you have control all the time. The way to change your attitude is to manage your stress. Eliminate things that bring you discomfort and do more of the things that bring you peace and solace. Of course, sometimes you just can't get rid of everything that brings you stress. So in those cases, you might just have to change the way you see your situation and make the most out of what you have.

My goal this year, and really for the rest of my life, is to live like this: in the moment, doing what I want to do, and loving what I have. I want to inspire myself and, hopefully, other people who come across me or my blog. I want the world to know that you don't have to be miserable and you don't have to be afraid of who you are because there is always a place for you. It just might not be where you are now.

I know this post has been kind of all over the place, but so is my mind right now. I've had all these thoughts and revelations this past month, and I want to share them all. This is the best way I have found to do that.