land of opportunity

I've been back in the city for less than a month now, my second year of college and my second year living here in Manhattan. I'm the luckiest kid in the world for this. I know that. I get the luxury of living in the greatest city in world while I study things in which I am genuinely interested. I wake up every morning and get to spend my day dancing and talking about dance- what more could I ask for?

But of course it's not that simple. Being in "art school" as I've started calling this experience, is a constant push-and-pull, questioning your passion and potential. Most days feel uncertain and scary, and I go to bed almost sure that I have made a horrible, irreversible mistake by choosing this path. But every now and then there are those affirming moments, when you are reminded of why you chose this city and why you chose this major. These moments can be small, and are often fleeting, but they still come.

I think- I know- that this probably holds true for any college student, or any given person for that matter, whether they are pursuing the arts or not. I find, every time I get in a funk over whether I'm wasting my time on a pipe dream, that the people around me have equally experienced doubt and fear. It doesn't matter whether you've been perfecting your craft of teaching for 20 years or if you've only recently found a passion for doing community theater. Every single person out there experiences the same fluctuation. It's just the nature of life and careers and passions and everything that comes along with those.

It seems to me that we all get so caught up in "making the right decision" for ourselves or our careers, that we sometimes can't see the silver linings and successes all around us. We lose our grip on the reality that we have made it THIS FAR and not collapsed. That we continue to get up everyday and walk to our ridiculously early classes and work our butts off, even if we really do not feel up to the challenge that day. We forget that we also have more choices and opportunities than ever before. If this truly wasn't a journey you were meant to take, you have the ability to switch courses, and in many cases, keep your passion a part of your life anyways.

Besides, while it's nice to be prepared and planning for one specific goal, you don't have to do just the one thing you always kind of thought you would do (or should do). As people, we are constantly changing, so who's to say that our dreams can't change too?

Changing your course should never feel like giving up or not following through. Our society has trained us to believe that there is a specific path that we must take to achieve "success," and that if we do not follow our one big dream, we are not living up to our full potential. While there is nothing wrong with following the set steps to success, or pursuing your heart's passion, it's simply impossible for everyone to do this AND feel fulfilled and/or happy.

It's so easy to get lost in anxiety and worry about the future. There's merit to the planning and the concern, but it's just unhealthy to let that consume your life. I'll tell you a secret I've gathered through many, many conversations with many, many people of various ages and backgrounds: nothing ever happens the way you plan it. So why live in a constant state of stress?

There is ALWAYS a way to make it work, to follow your dreams, to achieve your goals, even to live in a state of occasional certainty. At the end of the day, if you have a roof over your head and a few good friends, you will be fine. There are no wrong choices when it comes to our careers, unless you go into a situation that you know will bring only negativity into your life.

Look- we're all just scared little kids who don't know what we want to be when we grow up, or where we want to live. We're all terrified of being seen, and somehow equally scared of becoming completely invisible. Somewhere along the way, visibility and success became synonymous with each other, and I think that's a huge contributor to the anxieties of young people (all people) today.

I don't have the answers for how to solve this, but I do know that taking a deep breath and a step back can make a world of difference. I guess I'm just trying to say that, right now, regardless of your spiritual beliefs, you are exactly where you need to be. So be there. Be present, and acknowledge the incredible things you had to do to get to this point.
"Tomorrow does not exist, because when it comes, it's already today." -anonymous